As Rachel entered the café, she was welcomed by the familiar smell of coffee and other tempting drinks, along with the delicious smells of different snacks like brownies, cake, and a variety of slices. She ordered a white mocha like she always did. Once she had gotten in, she went over to her usual table and sat down. It was strange being here alone. He had been the one who brought her here for the first time. This had been their place. But now he wasn't here and she felt a pang of emptiness. She took a piece of paper out of her bag and unfolded it. A letter. She took a sip of her coffee and began to read.
~
My Lovely Rachel,
Your smile brightens my day, every time I see something beautiful it reminds me of you, you are always in my thoughts, forever and always...
This morning when I was praying before leaving for work, I felt so close to God, and I felt at peace, His approval seemed to be the only thing I could ever desire, and during that time, I asked Him about you and I, and He seemed to say it was right, and that we should always be together but yet a foreboding came over me, I don't understand it. But that's what I felt. Anyway, life has been difficult because of work lately and I don't know why but I've felt a rift come between us. I don't like it and I hope it's not because of me, I enjoy our friendship too much and I enjoy being with you too much.
I've ranted for long enough, just know I do care for you! You mean more than work to me, but also my work is a large part of my life, it is my calling so to say, just like writing is yours. Don't feel sorrowful about any troubles lately, in my eyes they never happened.
~
My alarm woke me at 6 o'clock sharp, I laid in bed for a few minutes studying the barely discernible ceiling in the dark room, I yawned, feeling sleeps hold slip away as I thought about the day, first things first I guess. I slipped out of bed and went to the bathroom, 30mins later I was dressed and locking the front door of my DC apartment. My suit coat was flapping in the brisk morning breeze, I headed into my apartment's parking garage and up to the third floor, the blue BMW with tinted windows sat by its lonesome in a far corner, the car was a government issue and it was my pride and joy. The car lights flashed as I walked up, the sleek M4 was one of my favourite perks working for the FBI, I pulled my service handgun from my shoulder holster and laid it in the console and shut the door, in my gauges dash, lay a picture, every morning before going to work I would look at it and pray, it was Rachel, the one and only person I loved, the only person that had gotten through my shell I had had from childhood. Her beautiful hair and eyes looked at me, her smile radiated from the picture like a sunbeam. It always made me smile. I slipped a piece of paper out of my breast pocket, and I began a letter to her.
My Lovely Rachel,
Your smile brightens my day, every time I see something beautiful it reminds me of you, you are always in my thoughts, forever and always.
My thoughts drew off to when I had first met her.. But a text tone from my phone drew my attention away before I had travelled back in time to far.
"Matt, we need you here fast, something has come up."
Alarm bells rang in my head as I read this, I knew something was up, my supervisor never contacted me. I turned the key, the 425 horsepower engine purred to life. The Bluetooth system soon was playing a music playlist over the speakers, "love is not victory march..." I hummed the tune quietly in my head as I drove out of the four story complex. Forty-five minuets later I arrived at the J. E. Hoover building.
The morning went by slowly and the reason my boss had texted me was a kidnapping of a local wealthy businessman and he needed me to head the team up for tracking down clues and evidence, as of 9:30 a.m. That morning. The last lead was only an hour cold, but still that was a lot of time. I decided that I wanted to have a meet for lunch, and of course their was only one person I wanted to go out with, and that was Rachel.
I picked up my iPhone and messaged her "Hey Rach, ya wanna meet me for lunch at noon our spot?"
"I'd love too!"
"Good, I'll meet you then, I'd pick you up but I'm afraid my boss won't let me have that long of a lunch"
"It's alright. I'll be there."
"Okay see ya then! 
"
"
"See you then 
"
"
Not long after that we received a fresh lead, the getaway van had been spotted by a patrol car on the north end of DC, we begin winding up and sending out field agents getting a fix on the location. The morning was extremely busy, I was making more phone calls and getting assets aligned that 11:30 came before I knew it. My supervisor, Clint knocked on my door, "Hey there Matt, I think you better take lunch, I'll get another agent to cover for you." I handed a short briefing to give to the cover agent and headed out to my car, a short time later I was in DC traffic headed for the café. I turned on one of my favourite songs relaxing with the classical music piece. My shoulders sagged as I let the drone of traffic and the car and the music take away the stress of the morning. I looked at Rachel's picture, I loved that girl. But I had never told her, if only I could find the courage.
11:57 I pulled in the parking lot, I saw Rachel's Chevy Camaro in the parking lot. I smiled, she liked being in there waiting for me. The walk to the entrance was short, I peered through the glass, catching sight of Rachel her head bent over her Apple MacBook. Typing away.
Rachel sat at their usual table at the café. This was their place. Matt and hers. This was where he'd brought her when they first became friends. This was where he'd brought her on her last birthday when she'd turned 20. He'd given her a locket that evening. A silver one in the shape of a heart. She smiled and gently fingered the locket around her neck. She wore it everywhere. It kept him close, even when he was away. She looked up as a waitress came over to her table.
"Are you going to order lunch?" The girl asked. Rachel smiled and shook her head.
"Not yet. I'm waiting for someone. I'll order once he gets here." The girl nodded and moved over to another table. A few minutes later, the café's door opened, and Rachel's face lit up in a delighted smile.
The bell above the door tinkled as I opened it and entered the small café, it was my favourite luncheon spot and it was my private thinking spot, only one person had a invitation here with me and that was Rachel, I glanced at my favourite spot, sure enough she was there. Her smile brightened the room. It also made my heart skip a beat.
Rachel stood up, unable to keep the smile off her face. "Hi! How are you?"
I smiled, which wasn't often, but this one special lady could make me smile. I strode over to the table, my stomach doing uncomfortable summer salts, "Hey Rach, I'm doing pretty well! How are you?"
Rachel couldn't help but blush. "I'm alright! How's work going?"
I grinned, I loved making her blush, and my use of her pet nickname usually made her do so. "I'm really glad to hear that! Oh it's work, always something going on that involves me saving the world" I grinned to let Rachel know I was teasing.
Rachel laughed quietly. "What would the world do without you?" She asked teasingly.
I grinned. Smooth move their Rachel. "It would probably end tomorrow if it wasn't for me and my prowess. Here, let me get your chair."
Rachel snickered. "I'm sure it would!" She tried to hide her blush as she sat down.
I laughed softly, "you know that never works right? It just makes it all the more obvious" I took my seat across from her, and out of the corner of my eye I saw the waitress approaching.
Rachel laughed, still blushing. The waitress came over to the table and smiled. "Are you two ready to order?" Rachel nodded and ordered a white mocha and a sandwich.
"I'll go with your club sandwich with bacon, and a Dr. Pepper"
The waitress nodded and grinned. "Do you two ever order any other type of drinks?" She winked, and then turned away to get the order.
I looked at Rachel, "I guess we are a little too predictable" I grinned "but I don't mind being that with you."
Rachel laughed. "I guess we are!"
A couple of minutes later the waitress returned, and set the drinks down in front of us. I nodded my head at her. And tore the paper of the straw slipping it into the ice cold soda. "How is your newest story coming?"
Rachel thanked the waitress and took a sip of her coffee. "It's coming along, so I guess that's a good thing" She gave a small chuckle. "How's work? Anything interesting come up?"
"Well that's good to hear, remember I get an autographed copy." I winked, "work... Well work is sad at the moment, a case of a kidnapped little girl, only 13 and so far no trace of her, it's been a rough morning in afraid." I sighed, "don't let work depress us though, it's too pretty a day for that."
Rachel laughed. "Of course you do!" Then she grew sad. "Do you think you'll be able to find her?"
I shrugged, "I really don't know, kidnapping is a difficult problem because motive and desire are so hard to gauge, I wish I could say yes, but..."
Rachel nodded. "Well, if anyone can find her it'll be you."
I looked at my hands on the table, I was a little unsure what to say. "Honestly, I battle with myself, I always think that perhaps someone else could be doing it better than I. I... I just I'm always afraid that because of me we will lose a precious lead and that person will be gone forever."
Rachel reached over and squeezed his hand gently. "You can't think like that Matt. You are very good at what you do, and God will use you to help a lot of people. You just have to trust him."
"Thanks Rach, I guess I haven't been trusting God quite like I should, Isaiah 40:30-31 is a verse I need to take to heart a little more."
We ate in silence, neither one of us very hungry, something seemed to have settled over us, like a foreboding spirit of sorts.
Rachel took a sip of her coffee and looked across the table at Matt, wondering what he was thinking about. As she watched him, she wondered if he would ever feel for her, the way she felt for him.
I was about to ask Rachel what she was thinking because she was studying me closely when my phone went off, I pulled it out, just as I was afraid of. It was Clint my supervisor "Matt, we need you quick. Sorry to take you away from your lunch"
"Rachel, I'm sorry, I have to go, it's my boss and he says they need me..."
Rachel felt like someone was squeezing her heart. She nodded, trying to fight against the tears in her eyes. "I... I understand. When will we get to meet up again?"
I saw the body language and knew Rachel was fighting strong emotions, I didn't know why but I was feeling the same. When we parted on lunch dates it was never quite like this. "I'm sorry... There isn't anything I can do..." I stood up and slipped a bill on the table. "Perhaps this evening around eight p.m. I don't know when I'll be able to go home, this case had top priority right now."
Rachel nodded and tried not to choke on her suppressed tears. "I understand Matt."
"Bye Rach." I choked on her pet name, I almost couldn't say it, I wanted to say something more, but I couldn't. My voice was to constricted, I nodded turned and walked quickly to the door, I pushed it open and looked back one more time before closing it behind me.
~
Rachel swallowed, trying to keep her emotions in control. She remembered that lunch so vividly. The way he had said goodbye, and the horrible feeling that she had been left with. She tried to push the thought out of her mind as she took another sip of her coffee. Then she found where she was in the letter and began reading again.
~
I'm sorry I had to leave you so quickly at the café, I know my job worries and stresses you, but I know you understand my need to do what I can, patriotism and everything... Your such a sweet girl, I never thought any girl could ever come close perfection but you are perfection in my eyes.
~
Around 8:00 that evening there was a knock on the door. Rachel looked up from the book she was reading, and she felt her heart fill with hope. Maybe he was back. Maybe nothing serious had happened. She got up and quickly made her way over to the door and opened it. On the doorstep stood a man. She recognised him as one of Matt's FBI friends, and she felt a cold fear grip her heart. "Hello." She said, trying to control her fear. "Would you like to come in?
The man shook his head. "No thank you. I'll stay here." He took a deep breath before speaking again. "I'm afraid I've got some back news. I was on shift with Matt this evening. There was a bit of a fight, and Matt got shot."
Rachel gave a small gasp, as she felt that cold fear grip her even harder. "Is... Is he alright?" She managed to ask. The man looked down at his hands without answering. Rachel searched his face, hoping for some sign that Matt was still alive. There was none. "He's dead, isn't he?" She asked, her voice quivering.
The man nodded slowly. "I'm sorry." He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out an envelope. "He asked me to give this to you, just before he died." Rachel took the envelope and she felt her eyes fill with tears at the sight of his handwriting. "Is there anything I can do for you?" The man asked gently.
Rachel shook her head. "No, thank you. You've helped already by bringing this to me."
He nodded and handed her a slip of paper. "If you need me, here's my number. Feel free to call." Rachel nodded and managed a small smile, before closing the door. As she tried to take a step back into her house, her legs buckled and she collapsed to the floor. She sat there, not bothering to get up. She felt like she was in a dream. This couldn't be real. He wasn't dead. He would come back to her. He had promised.
~
I have a few minutes respite, and I took the time to write some more, I honestly don't know why I'm writing you my thoughts and feelings, but I felt I had to. You’re the only person in my life that I can turn to, and yes I know I need to trust God, but also God gave Adam, Eve for a reason, He created Eve to give Adam a person to talk with and visit with. You’re the only person I want to see at the end of a stressful day. Yes I know I'm being sentimental or emotional. You mean so much to me. I just wish I had the courage to say it to you.
~
Rachel stood silently as a cold wind blew around her and the others gathered there. Tears glistened on her cheeks as she watched the one person who meant the most to her, getting covered by cold damp ground. She felt numb, as if all joy had gone out of the world. He couldn't be gone. It wasn't possible. He was here with her just the other day, telling her nothing would happen. Telling her that he'd come back. This had to be a dream. It had to be.
It wasn't long before the funeral was over and people slowly started leaving. They filed past her, offering whatever comforting words they could think of. It didn't help. She tried to thank them, but the words wouldn't come. All she could do was nod her thanks. Finally everyone was gone, and she was alone. She moved slowly forward and knelt before Matt's grave. "Why?" She cried out, her voice choked with sobs. "Why did you have to leave me? You said you'd never go. You said you'd never leave me. You said you'd always be here for me. So where are you? Come back to me.... I can't go on without you. Matt...." She covered her face with her hands as tears streamed down her cheeks.
~
Rachel leaned back in her seat and tried to fight back the tears that seemed insistent on coming out. She took a gulp of her coffee and immediately regretted it. It was cold. There were only a few sentences left in the letter, but she almost didn't want to read them. While reading the letter it felt like Matt was there with her. She new that when she finished reading the letter, it would be the end. She didn't want that. Finally she took a deep breath and read the last few sentences of the letter.
~
As I'm writing this, I can see your tear streaked face like a vision, I know I don't have much longer for the ole world, and I'm not scared of my future, for I know where I'm going. My heart aches because I'm leaving you behind, and I know the pain you will go through, my only wish would be to have heard you whisper I love you, but I guess you did with your eyes so many times. I would like to go back in time and just say those three words to you. But in a way... I would never take back what when have gone through, I would leave it all the same. The kidnapper got me, a bullet through the lungs. I can't write anymore. But this is to my Rachel, my wonderful girl.
I love you with all my heart.
Yours forever Matt
~
As she read those last few words, she heard a song playing in the background. "
Love is not a victory march. It's a cold and it's a broken, Hallelujah!" Rachel hugged the letter to her chest, and wept.
