I stood silent, the skirt of my black dress blowing in the cold wind, as I watched four soldiers lowering my father into the grave. Not one tear had I cried when I found out he was dead. I didn't cry now either. I wish I could. It would be better than this awful emptiness. Caitlin's eyes were red and I could even see tears in Cedric's eyes. But mine were dry. I stood there for a long time after everyone else had left. Not crying, not saying anything, just standing. Wishing.
I felt Cedric place his hand on my shoulder. "Rachel. The officers want to talk to you. I think they're worried that you won't be able to lead us after this."
"I'm coming." I said. I placed a flower on my father’s grave and then turned and walked away with Cedric. As we walked I could feel him watching me. I said nothing. When we reached my fathers study, Cedric opened the door for me. I was painfully aware of the few empty chairs where my Father, the General, and a few of the officers used to sit. I moved toward my chair but Cedric stopped me.
"Your place is now there." He said pointing to my father’s empty chair. "You are our leader now." I nodded and reluctantly sat down in the chair. I turned to one of the servants.
"Could you find Caitlin and ask her to come here." He nodded and hurried out the room. A few minuets latter Caitlin came in. I motioned to what used to be my chair. She nodded and sat down. Finally I addressed the men sitting around the table. "You wished to meet with me?"
"Yes." One of the men said. "We want to know what you are planning on doing?"
"What do you suggest?" I asked.
"I think we should attack them now. While they are still weak."
"No." Another interrupted. "To attack now would be folly. We are weaker than they are."
"Yes" agreed another. "We must wait. Get our strength back."
"No, we must attack now." Said yet another. "If we wait we will be letting them grow stronger. Giving them a chance to get re-enforcements. Our only chance will be to attack now." I sat silent, listening to them argue, but finally it was too much.
"Enough!" I said, standing to my feet. They all fell silent. "Arguing like this will not get us anywhere. We must work together." I sat back down.
"Rachel." Caitlin said quietly. "You're getting flustered. Maybe you should go out for a ride. Then when you get back you will be able to deal with this better."
"You're probably right." I said, nodding. I stood up. "We will continue this latter." I turned and left the room. Cedric hurried after me.
"Please, let me come with you." I nodded.
"I would be grateful if you would come." I said. "You too Caitlin." She nodded. Soon we were riding out, away from the castle. We cantered a while, then slowed down to a walk.
"How are you doing?" Caitlin asked.
"I don't know really." I said with a shrug. "I just… I feel like I'm going to fail everyone. I know my Father seemed to think I was good enough, but I don't. I'm not ready for this. I don't know what I should do. I just want what's best for everyone else." I fell silent.
"Rachel, we don't expect you to be your Father." Cedric said softly. "But you are our leader. We need you. I know you can. Caitlin and I will always be here to help you if you need it." Caitlin nodded.
"Thank you." I couldn't think of anything else to say. We rode on in silence for a while, till finally Caitlin spoke up.
"Rachel? Did your father tell you about your mother?"
I shook my head. "No." We rode on, each of us lost in his own thoughts. Suddenly I stopped. "Oh! I wonder..."
They both looked at me. "What?" Cedric asked.
"Could it be that my Mother’s death has something to do with this?"
"I don't know." Caitlin said. "I mean, why would it be?"
"Well..." I thought for a minuet. "My Father has never wanted to talk about my Mother. Whenever I tried to talk to him about her, he gets this strange look in his eyes. When the news came that Tirindalle had come, I saw the same look in his eyes.
"I suppose it could be a possibility." Cedric said. "Did your father ever say anything that could give us a clue?"
"No. Nothing."
"Perhaps someone from the villages will know. Surly someone has got to know about what happened." Caitlin said.
I nodded. "They might." I looked up at the sky. "We've been out for a while. We had better be going back." We turned our horses around started making our way back to the castle.
~
As we finished unsaddling our horses, a servant came running into the stable. "Your Majesty. There is someone here to see you." We looked at each other, and then hurried to the throne room. I almost sat down in my own chair, but Cedric stopped me and pointed to my father’s chair. I sighed, nodded, and sat down. Cedric and Caitlin stood beside me. In front of us stood a seventeen year old boy, with dirty blond hair and brown eyes.
"Your Majesty, my name is Arthur." He said with a bow. "I used to be the squire of Prince Tirindalle, but I was able to escape."
"And what are you doing here?" I asked with a frown.
"I do not like what the Prince has been doing, and I don't want to be a part of it. I want to help you stop him."
"How do I know you are telling the truth? For all I know, you could be a spy from the Prince."
He looked down and his eyes were almost sad. "Please, I know what the prince can do. Let me help you." He sighed. "Even if you don't trust me. Please let me stay here. I don't have anywhere else to go." His eyes almost pleading.
I looked at Cedric and Caitlin. "What do you think?"
"I don't know." Cedric said, frowning. "There is a very good chance that he is a spy..."
"But we don't know for sure." Caitlin said. "I suggest you let him stay here, but always have someone watching him. Just don't let him know he's being watched."
"I suppose that is the best plan." I said nodding. I turned back to Arthur. "I will let you stay here." I sent servants to get a room ready for him, and then told one of the guards to keep an eye on him. Then I left.
That night, I visited the stable before I went to bed. I sat on a pile of straw beside Destrier. I didn't say anything for a while. Just sat there. Finally I spoke up. "I'm going to try find out about my mother. Tomorrow I'm going to the village to see if anyone knows anything about her."
"Very well." Destrier replied with a soft nicker. I smiled and got up. Patted his neck, and then turned and made my way back to the palace.
